Yesterday I rode in a parade for the first time. I have seen hundreds of parades, perhaps, but never participated. I don’t know where that places me on the ‘deprived by birth, oh, woe is me’ scale but if participating in a parade makes one a better person then I am a better person today.
Our small town had a two-hour parade with 89 entries that I know of. I know there were at least 89 because the old man driving the Orange Blossom Special picked me to help him out. He was driving a large old and very bright orange tractor (that I did not recognize) and he was towing a trailer with TWO commodes mounted on two tractor frames painted to look like John Deere tractors (green and yellow for you suburban people). A sign over them both said “The only John I will ever own”.
He came over to me (with my very new blue New Holland subcompact tractor) and indicated that maybe he should have painted one of his commodes blue. A small sign of disrespect to which I replied “but then I wouldn’t like it”. Waving a card at me, he asked where he should park his ‘float’ for the parade. After a few exchanges, it became obvious that he did not know how to register and that his card was for the announcer at the grandstand. He said he was to be 89th entry but he could not really remember what the lady had told him. I offered to register him as I was about to register myself. When I did, I learned that he was in space 86 and someone else was in 89. That is how I know there were at least 89 entries.
You don’t know this but people get up at 4:00 a.m. to place their lawn chairs and blankets along the mile-long parade route. Some say you should not place your chairs out until 6:00 a.m. as the bars close at 2:30 a.m. and anything you put out at 4 is likely to be used, taken, or broken by the ‘closers’. The streets are literally lined with empty chairs by 9:00 a.m. You would think that the Rapture had occurred or else that space aliens had abducted the people of our town by seeing the number of empty chairs laid out. There aren’t that many trees in town so the regulars stake out the tree-shade and the building-shade first. Everyone else bakes. Burns, I mean to say.
The town swells from 2, 000 to 20,000 people on the 4th of July. This is the most popular spot for the 4th as we have six lakes for enjoyment and the largest parade around. And I was in that parade.
Our float was an old hay wagon towed by my blue ’Newie’. Volunteers from our company added patriotic fringe around the bottom. Our centerpiece was an A-frame support with one each 3′ and 4′ star painted red, white, and blue decoratively. Sixteen little flags were duct taped along the sides. We played John Philip Sousa’s greatest hits (stop laughing now) and dropped firecrackers into a 55-gallon barrel painted red , white, and blue. As a town tradition, we passed out candy to all the little kids along the way.
We were one of (at least) 89 entries in that parade. Included with the Orange Blossom Special were 6 boats from the local water ski show, several cars/floats full of high school prom winners, and almost anything you can think of except marching bands. My favorites are always the lumber-cutting businesses that bring their tree-harvesting behemoths through the middle of town. Giant claws that grab trees, cut through their trunks, strip off branches, and then pile the trunks in 8-foot sections as high as may be needed. They are a sight to see. But the Patriotic PaintBall float with its giant inflated “X” is a hoot also. The Zamboni driver in front of me had the local hockey club with him, too… on inline skates…with water pistols.
Water fights between the parad-ers and the parad-ees are common. In our town, the kids are loaded up with supersoakers and water balloons and just wail on each other in some kind of gauntlet ritual each year. The ladies in their prom dresses carry some sophisticated weaponry and can hold their own with any group of kids that may be supported by front-yard-above-ground swimming pools prepared for the July 4th water fights.
It’s a small town parade. Any one can enter. Come join us next year. Just don’t be offended by getting a little wet, by getting hit with candy, and by sitting in the sun instead of the shade.
ReasonableCitizen
